30 March 2008

Cat on the Cob

Recently we have all heard that there is a wheat shortage this year. I have heard the reason for this is because wheat farmers have stopped growing wheat and switched to corn to be used for ethanol. There is a subsidy being paid for the corn so of course farmers switched.

What I have read about corn ethanol claims that its costs almost $2 a gallon to produce and that it doesn't make a very good fuel anyway. At first I thought that was a bad thing because all of our corn supply also would end up being diverted to corn ethanol. But then I found out somethings about corn.

Corn is bad for you. Most everything we eat now days has High Fructose Corn Syrup in it and livestock is fed mostly corn. In the 1980s scientist started discovering that grains, grain-based foods, and grain-fed livestock products are the root cause for most if not all of today's major chronic diseases (body failings): Cancer, depression, obesity, allergies, autoimmune diseases such as lupus and arthritis, diabetes, asthma, and more.

Amazingly, the worst grain is corn! Not only does it have the worst fatty acid profile (Omega-6 to Omega-3 ratio) of nearly all grains (which skews the fat balance in the membranes of all animal body cells negatively impacting cell function), but it is also a fungal host to 22 different fungi including Aspergillus. Some of these fungi put out body debilitating mycotoxins that can literally kill animals and people. (see Texas grass fed beef website)

I support the president in his new campaign to steer clear of corn raised beef and all other corn products and start eating healthy grass feed cats. Hope this information will help convince you to do the same. Pass the butter please.

(PETA, I am just kidding. Please don't eat your cats.)

26 March 2008

Takin' Care of Business while Takin' Care of Business

This afternoon I ate lunch at my desk. It was around one o'clock and I had already downed 3 diet mountain dews. Nature being the way it is I went for a stroll to the porcelain cubicle. As I approached the urinal I could hear talking in the stall.

Had this been some crazy person talking to themselves I think I would have ignored it. It turns out though that it was someone talking on the phone while they were takin' care of business. I guess they were takin' care of business while they were takin' care of business.

This must be the busiest person in the world. They don't even have time to make a phone call during the day. They have to do it while they take a potty break.

I wonder if you are talking to an important business contact on the throne how you would explain some of the noises that are sure to come up in the back ground. "I don't mean to drop this load on you..ahh Its a lot of responsibility. I know your work load is heavy but if you could just squeeze out...ewe ah...a little more productivity we could meet our numbers this month...frip... oh that was just a car driving by...water? Just turned on the wiper blades.

I have decided a couple of things from this experience. 1. Never ever ask someone if you can borrow their cell phone for any reason. 2. I know how germs are spread so easy. Contaminate hands, contaminate phone, wash hands, reuse phone, recontaminate hands.

23 March 2008

Comcast Tests DVR That Watches You... Literally

I was reading this article about a DVR that has a camera in it and it reminded me of the Telescreens in George Orwell's book 1984.

Does this seem like a good idea to anybody? The fact that anyone is working on this is strange in of itself.

I mean on an innocent level I don't want anyone watching me pick my nose or scratching an itch. But on a more serious note who will be watching these cameras? Do I really want some stranger knowing when I am home or not? Dennis Raider the BTK Killer installed security systems for a living. Tell me that's not a conflict of interest.

So much for my dream of having a DVR near the bathtub. I can see it now. "Hey, Kavorka. Enjoyed the video of you taking a bath on youtube. Can you do us a favor and loose a few pounds? Oh and the boss would like to talk to you."

I already have a DVR in my bedroom. Guess I could place tape over the lens. How will they get people to put these things in their houses. People hate that feeling that their being watched. I think that's one of the rights mentioned in the Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness without that creepy feeling that you are being watched."

Anyway I don't think any amount of free programming or free equipment could make me change my mind.

But if you want me to monitor the Telescreens at supermodels houses, I'll do it for free.

13 March 2008

Japan Experiments with Whale/Cow Crossbreed

According to this article Japan has experimented with attempts to crossbreed a cow and a whale.

My first thought is wow how they gonna milk that thing? It would be great to get so much milk from just one cow, but you would need a big machine to milk it.

If it lives in the sea would the milk taste fishy? If it roamed the land watch out, you think cow patties are bad now. You could get lost in one of these babies.

Then there are those steak houses that have a big steak that you can eat for free if you can finish it. Well kiss those days goodbye. No one can eat a 1000 pound steak.

I could with enough A1, but who makes a bottle that big?

11 March 2008

Belt Buckles the Size of Plates

So the other day I saw a guy with a buckle the size of a plate. Me being that practical guy that I am, I thought man someone really should make a belt buckle plate.

You could have belt buckle base that would contain a really strong magnet. Then there would be a plate with a nice engraving on the front. On the back you could have a place for a spoon, fork and knife to hook on.

When you went to a restaurant you could just rip the plate away from the magnet and grab the silverware off the back and set your place at the table.

Just think about the looks you would get from the ladies. That's a real man that carries his plate on his belt buckle. You probably don't want to know my idea of where you store the cup. But it can double as..well a cup.

Dinner is served.

07 March 2008

Day Light Savings Suggestion

So I was talking with one of my friends at the bus stop about day light savings time and how it sucks losing an hour of sleep.

I personally don't understand why we still follow it. But we came up with an idea that I think will take the edge off the whole situation.

In the spring when we have to loose an hour, we should do it during the week. Probably about 4PM on a Friday would be good. You would be sitting at your desk trying to make it through that last hour of work and through the power of day light savings its suddenly 5PM. Hello weekend.

Brilliant. The Day light savings experience goes from something bad that gets people down, to a sort of holiday. Since you would clock in at 8 and clock out at 5 you would get paid for that hour that you didn't work too.

I wonder if any of the presidential canidates have that as part of their platform?

01 March 2008

Energy Pollutions

So I am hearing a lot about Energy Solutions wanting to bring waste from Italy to Utah. I am trying to understand why?

It seems to me the only reason you would dump waste from another community into your own community is if there were a whole lot of money in it for you. Even better if you could dump it in someone elses community and make a lot of money off it.

There is no good reason besides making money to dump other peoples waste here. If the waste makes it here it will just be proof that a lot of people were paid off. How can a government by the people for the people see any logical argument for dumping other peoples crap here? If its our garbage we deserve to wallow in it, but let Italy keep their own waste.

And while I am talking about "Energy Soulutions" formerly "Envirocare"... Why did they change their name? Did people start to realize that they do the opposite of caring for the enviroment? Or did they just get enough bad press that they decided to change it? Having our basketball team play at the Energy Solutions Arena is almost as big of a joke as the "Isotopes" on the "Simpsons".

I guess dumping hazardous waste is one "Solution" to energy. Its not the best one I can think of, but I guess its more honest then using the name "Envirocare".