28 October 2009

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Last week I was sick with the H1N1 virus. It was miserable, but not so terrible as I thought it would be. I got to thinking about how the whole thing started out as the 'Mexican Flu' because it originated in Mexico, but the Mexican government didn't want it to be named after Mexico. Then it became the 'Swine Flu' because it originated in pigs. But the pig farmers didn't want it named after pigs because it would hurt sales. So it finally became the H1N1 virus.

I think the USA should claim and embrace it. We have been a bit down during this recession and could use something to be proud of.

The H1N1 or the USA-flu has taken the world by storm. It seems to have penetrated every continent, visited every clime and swept every country very quickly. A lot of money is going into creating vaccines for this virus. Its getting a lot of media attention, but the biggest reason why I think the USA should take owner ship of the H1N1 virus is because its the only thing we have managed to export from this country with any major degree of success in the last 10 years (besides jobs).

06 February 2009

Earth's Rotation Sagging

I was listening to a science program today that has really gotten me worried. It seems that the The Obesity Crisis in the US is more serious than I first realized. I am not sure if its the lack of exercise, the bad nutrition or a combination of things, but overall our nation is getting heavier.

Its our right to be heavy right? It's a free country. Well that's what I thought. But it turns out that by becoming heavier we are actually causing a problem for the whole globe.

Scientists are saying that the increase in weight is actually causing the Earth's rotation to sag. I am not sure of all the ramifications, but it seems like the Earth's rotation has something to do with the seasons, temperatures and weather patterns we experience on this fine planet.

So forget about fossil fuels and carbon footprints, we need to go on diets. I am no slim Jim myself. So lets all go on a diet together and save the world!

25 January 2009

Lawyers Without Borders

I heard about how doctors travel to other countries to provide medical services for the less fortunate and wondered if lawyers did the same thing.

Personal injury lawsuits cover a lot of ground, but the most common lawsuits involve automobile accidents, on the job injuries, negligent health care, medical malpractice, defective products, exposure to hazardous substances and dangerous or poorly maintained buildings and grounds.

It brings a tear to my eyes when I think that there are people around the world that can't enjoy the spoils of a good lawsuit.

Every night when I lay down to sleep I always make sure to kneel down and give thanks to god for being able to live in the USA. The land where we have no shortage of lawyers. I think the reason those other countries are poor is because they don't have personal injury lawsuits to stimulate the economy.

I think if we can organize a Lawyers Without Borders charity, we can share the wealth and joy of a good lawsuit with the worlds less fortunate.
*I am not making fun of these poor kids in this picture. I used it because it shocked me so much when I saw it. These poor kids are from Somalia and by the looks of them they may not even still be alive. Hunger and poverty are serious issues. :(

10 January 2009

Presidential Practical Jokes

As Obama prepares to take over as president, people have a lot of questions. The thing I wonder is if former presidents ever play practical jokes on the president coming in.

It could be something as harmless as a bucket of confetti that will fall on the the president as he walks through the White House doors. The cellophane on the toilets or short sheeting the beds might be good too. Whoopee cushions in all the White House furniture would be a nice touch.

I think those are pretty tame compared to some of the stuff you could do with presidential power. Order a pizza to the residence of Dmitry Medvedev, Russia's president or get the secret service to put some burning doo doo on the porch of Hugo Chávez Frías, Venezuela's president.

Then there are the really great gags that only a president could do. Changing the color of 'Thee' button from red to green. "Whoops you just launch the nukes. Gotcha!" I think the night before the inauguration it would be funny to attack a bunch of countries. Imagine the surprise when red phone in the oval office is ringing of the hook with angry leaders complaining about the unprovoked attacks.

I think Bush will leave a dead fish in a drawer of the desk in the oval office. I maybe giving him too much credit though. He is probably the type to drop a load in the White House bathroom and leave without flushing it.

Whatever it ends up being I wish I could be there to see his reaction.